High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
