the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
