i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
