i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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