Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
