Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
