Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
NoShamevember. You game?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
