This house was built for laser tag.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
