super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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