I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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