Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
dude. I can hear the air.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
