Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
