I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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