i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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