I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
