we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My life is pants optional.
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