im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
