did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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