You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Green mimosas i think yes
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
