Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
