You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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