no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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