I will die if light touches me.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
