I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
