dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The struggles of a small town man whore
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