Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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