Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
