i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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