when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
