i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
