Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
