apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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