i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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