i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
