you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize