dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
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