then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
