i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
