apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
