The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
