So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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