Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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