when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
