we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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