I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
