I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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