If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
