The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
