We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
