I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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