Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
