I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
