This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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