I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Randomize
